I don't know if it's because I'm so tired these days but I seem to be having trouble making any decision concerning the kids. Even when I do make decisions, those decisions seem to give rise to more questions that need more decisions.
For example, here is some of what went through my mind today:
Do I swaddle? Is it still necessary? If I swaddle, do I swaddle with both arms in? One arm out? Miracle blanket or receiving blanket?
It's hot in their room - do I dress them in a onesie or a sleeper? What if they get too cold/too hot later on in the night?
I'd like to take them for a walk - when should I do it? During their nap time just in case they fall asleep in the stroller? What if they don't fall asleep and then they become overtired?
They're fussy today and are having trouble getting down for their naps. Do I continue to rock them to a drowsy state or will that make them reliant upon someone else to put them to sleep? But this is cuddle time with the kids and how can cuddling them be bad at this point?
As you can see, I seem to have a lot of questions floating around my brain at any given point in time.
I am not normally an indecisive person.
I suppose I'm just tired and I realize that the tiredness makes decision making difficult.
Let me amend that - tiredness makes GOOD decision making difficult.
Does it get easier? Do you somehow just know what to do? How can you deal with the naysayers who plant seeds of doubt in your mind about whether you have done the right thing or not?
Good grief...where has my self-confidence gone? Probably the same place where my decision making skills went...
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Bad Parent
I think I've confused my kids.
Bed time has turned into a major battle and it's my fault.
We weren't consistent.
We changed things up on them.
I feel that they don't trust us anymore. They think that if they cry now, we won't come.
What a terrible way for two 15 week old babies to feel.
In the last 2 weeks, we've stopped swaddling gradually (but the end result is that they are no longer being swaddled), we split them up into two separate cribs, we instituted a bed time and we attempted to use the extinction (aka crying it out) method of sleep training.
That's a lot of change.
Maybe too much?
I thought that when we stopped using extinction, we would be able to go back to soothing them to sleep and then putting them down. They used to eventually fall asleep in our arms with soothing and then we would put them down to bed. Things have changed. Now, they start crying and crying and crying and we soothe and soothe and soothe to no avail. Tonight, we fed them at 6:15pm and then spent the next 2 hours trying to calm them down so that they could fall asleep. If I was going to listen to 2 hours of crying, why didn't we stick it out with extinction? At least they would have been teaching themselves how to self-soothe...or would they? Are they still too young to learn that skill?
Maternal guilt...what a formidable thing.
We've decided to go back to basics and returned to swaddling. We stripped them down to their diapers and then swaddled them again tonight and finally, after 2 hours, they calmed down and fell asleep.
I don't know how we're going to deal with naps tomorrow during the day because those were a disaster given the bad night we had last night (same thing - fussing and crying for 2 hours at the beginning of the night).
I just can't shake the feeling that I've already screwed up my kids.
Bed time has turned into a major battle and it's my fault.
We weren't consistent.
We changed things up on them.
I feel that they don't trust us anymore. They think that if they cry now, we won't come.
What a terrible way for two 15 week old babies to feel.
In the last 2 weeks, we've stopped swaddling gradually (but the end result is that they are no longer being swaddled), we split them up into two separate cribs, we instituted a bed time and we attempted to use the extinction (aka crying it out) method of sleep training.
That's a lot of change.
Maybe too much?
I thought that when we stopped using extinction, we would be able to go back to soothing them to sleep and then putting them down. They used to eventually fall asleep in our arms with soothing and then we would put them down to bed. Things have changed. Now, they start crying and crying and crying and we soothe and soothe and soothe to no avail. Tonight, we fed them at 6:15pm and then spent the next 2 hours trying to calm them down so that they could fall asleep. If I was going to listen to 2 hours of crying, why didn't we stick it out with extinction? At least they would have been teaching themselves how to self-soothe...or would they? Are they still too young to learn that skill?
Maternal guilt...what a formidable thing.
We've decided to go back to basics and returned to swaddling. We stripped them down to their diapers and then swaddled them again tonight and finally, after 2 hours, they calmed down and fell asleep.
I don't know how we're going to deal with naps tomorrow during the day because those were a disaster given the bad night we had last night (same thing - fussing and crying for 2 hours at the beginning of the night).
I just can't shake the feeling that I've already screwed up my kids.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sleep Training Night 9...The Wheels Fell Off the Bus
We have decided after more than a week of trying to sleep train our twins that we are temporarily suspending activities. We've decided that they're too young and using the extinction method (i.e. crying it out) didn't seem to be working in the short amount of time that was promised in the book. It's supposed to be the fastest way to do this but after 9 nights of hysterical crying at the beginning of the night with zero improvement, we are beat.
Yes, we did see improvement during the rest of the night in that they fell asleep faster and for bigger chunks of time after the night feeds. However, the initial bedtime was awful and remained awful and I didn't see enough (read: any) improvement to merit staying the course.
The book says that once naps are well established, which occurs usually at the 3-4 month mark post due date, sleep training using the extinction method should take about 3-5 nights. It is the fastest method that parents like to use to initially teach their children and then to get them back on track after something upsets the routine. The book said that the initial period of crying is on average about 45 minutes on night 1, 20 minutes on night 2 and zero to 10 minutes on night three. After consistently hitting 2.5 - 3 hours of hysterical crying 8 nights in a row, there's something wrong at our end. Yes, there were some nights where they did go down initially without a peep BUT there would always be a prolonged period of crying that would occur during the evening.
When the crying would happen, I would always go back and read the book, searching for clues on how to make this work. I have come to the conclusion that they are too young to do this right now because their naps have not yet become regularized. Naps don't start getting into a routine until about 3-4 months post due date and my kids are only 9 weeks post due date right now. Using extinction depends on naps being well established. We had an awesome day on Sunday - they napped really well and for long stretches of time...we couldn't have set up better for the night. However, after putting them down and about 40 minutes of sleep, they started wailing and continued for a good 45 minutes or so.
At this point, we had had enough.
We're going back to soothing them if they need it to fall asleep. Maybe they need to know we're there. Maybe they need to know that we'll come when they call for us. Maybe this learned behaviour is too much to ask of two girls that are so small.
Whatever it is, we're going to give them a few more weeks before we try again and I don't know that we'll try extinction the next time around either. As a first time parent, this sleep training was brutal. It broke my heart. In some ways, I feel like we failed but in other ways, I tell myself that they are still really young and small and when the time is right, we should be able to accomplish this with a lot less pain...we just have to be patient.
So for next time around, here are some tips for sleep training that were not in the book:
1. Do not allow any visitors during bedtime or afterward until sleep training has been completed.
Not everyone believes in sleep training nor have they read the book. Hysterical crying will wear down anyone in a flash and relatives, especially grandparents, will have no tolerance at all for crying. They will also freely express opinions to first time parents that will make the sleep training harder and which you do not need to hear during this very stressful time.
2. Plan on getting extra sleep during this time.
I hear this all the time but really, while sleep training, you need to sleep at night when they sleep. I was a walking zombie by night 8...I was so emotionally and physically tired from listening to them cry for so long that I was a wreck. If they finally fell asleep by 9pm, we were in bed by the end of the week at 9:30pm. Trust me - you'll be tired and falling asleep at that earlier time is no problem.
3. Turn down or turn off your baby monitors.
If you use extinction, you will be able to hear the crying just fine without amplifying it loud enough for the neighbourhood to hear. It is very hard on the nerves to listen to a baby crying for a few minutes, let alone the 45 minutes or longer it may take on night 1. We used our video monitors to make sure they were okay but dial down the volume. I had headaches from listening to them and after a few nights, dialed down the volume.
4. Be very clear with your partner about what the plan is.
You will most likely get scattered listening to your baby cry for so long. Have the discussions before hand with your DH or partner so that you agree on a plan of action and you don't have to decide in the stress of the moment when they're screaming. Be clear about how much crying you're going to accept and the time markers that you will be using before responding.
So that's it...we'll try round two in a few weeks. Thank you to all of you who offered support to us during this time. It was brutal and we are not done yet but we are hopefully a little wiser for the next time around.
Yes, we did see improvement during the rest of the night in that they fell asleep faster and for bigger chunks of time after the night feeds. However, the initial bedtime was awful and remained awful and I didn't see enough (read: any) improvement to merit staying the course.
The book says that once naps are well established, which occurs usually at the 3-4 month mark post due date, sleep training using the extinction method should take about 3-5 nights. It is the fastest method that parents like to use to initially teach their children and then to get them back on track after something upsets the routine. The book said that the initial period of crying is on average about 45 minutes on night 1, 20 minutes on night 2 and zero to 10 minutes on night three. After consistently hitting 2.5 - 3 hours of hysterical crying 8 nights in a row, there's something wrong at our end. Yes, there were some nights where they did go down initially without a peep BUT there would always be a prolonged period of crying that would occur during the evening.
When the crying would happen, I would always go back and read the book, searching for clues on how to make this work. I have come to the conclusion that they are too young to do this right now because their naps have not yet become regularized. Naps don't start getting into a routine until about 3-4 months post due date and my kids are only 9 weeks post due date right now. Using extinction depends on naps being well established. We had an awesome day on Sunday - they napped really well and for long stretches of time...we couldn't have set up better for the night. However, after putting them down and about 40 minutes of sleep, they started wailing and continued for a good 45 minutes or so.
At this point, we had had enough.
We're going back to soothing them if they need it to fall asleep. Maybe they need to know we're there. Maybe they need to know that we'll come when they call for us. Maybe this learned behaviour is too much to ask of two girls that are so small.
Whatever it is, we're going to give them a few more weeks before we try again and I don't know that we'll try extinction the next time around either. As a first time parent, this sleep training was brutal. It broke my heart. In some ways, I feel like we failed but in other ways, I tell myself that they are still really young and small and when the time is right, we should be able to accomplish this with a lot less pain...we just have to be patient.
So for next time around, here are some tips for sleep training that were not in the book:
1. Do not allow any visitors during bedtime or afterward until sleep training has been completed.
Not everyone believes in sleep training nor have they read the book. Hysterical crying will wear down anyone in a flash and relatives, especially grandparents, will have no tolerance at all for crying. They will also freely express opinions to first time parents that will make the sleep training harder and which you do not need to hear during this very stressful time.
2. Plan on getting extra sleep during this time.
I hear this all the time but really, while sleep training, you need to sleep at night when they sleep. I was a walking zombie by night 8...I was so emotionally and physically tired from listening to them cry for so long that I was a wreck. If they finally fell asleep by 9pm, we were in bed by the end of the week at 9:30pm. Trust me - you'll be tired and falling asleep at that earlier time is no problem.
3. Turn down or turn off your baby monitors.
If you use extinction, you will be able to hear the crying just fine without amplifying it loud enough for the neighbourhood to hear. It is very hard on the nerves to listen to a baby crying for a few minutes, let alone the 45 minutes or longer it may take on night 1. We used our video monitors to make sure they were okay but dial down the volume. I had headaches from listening to them and after a few nights, dialed down the volume.
4. Be very clear with your partner about what the plan is.
You will most likely get scattered listening to your baby cry for so long. Have the discussions before hand with your DH or partner so that you agree on a plan of action and you don't have to decide in the stress of the moment when they're screaming. Be clear about how much crying you're going to accept and the time markers that you will be using before responding.
So that's it...we'll try round two in a few weeks. Thank you to all of you who offered support to us during this time. It was brutal and we are not done yet but we are hopefully a little wiser for the next time around.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Still Sleep Training and A Different Topic (Finally)
I know - are you as sick of this topic as I am? We are still at it and there has been definite improvement but there is still crying involved. So it does seem that the girls' bedtime is 6pm and they have been going down pretty easily at that time last two nights. However, they will "wake up" and take turns fussing for a few minutes here and there. They will give every appearance of being a sleeping baby but then they'll just start crying out of the blue. I am currently listening to Caitlyn cry.
*sigh*
When does the crying stop?
I know they'll figure it out and my BFF keeps reassuring me that they're smart girls...they'll get it more and more every day.
The neighbours must think we're crazy. I realized that I left the window open in their room but I will not go back in to close it, even with the intermittent crying that's going on. Defeats the purpose of suffering through the crying in the first place because guaranteed, if they catch sight of me, the crying will only intensify.
DH is out for dinner with his side of the family, celebrating his father's birthday. I on the other hand am at home, committed to this sleep training thing and not willing to screw up their bedtime so we decided that I would not attend with the kids. Short term sacrifice and DH has reassured me that he will be skimming off some good eats to bring home to me for my dinner later.
So let's talk about something else.
Is anyone BF out there? I could talk about this topic for a long time too. Long and short of it - breastfeeding is much harder than I ever thought it would be. I thought that you just stick the baby on your boob and he/she and I would just "know" what to do. Boy was I wrong...
A little BF history about me: I started my kids off on 100% formula and they were fed either by bottle or feeding tube in the NICU. I had lost so much blood post-partum that my milk was really slow to come in. Also, one of my girls was tongue tied [a condition whereby the frenulum (the thin membrane that attaches your tongue to the bottom of your mouth) needs to be snipped in order so that your tongue can extend past your lower lip. This is very important in BF in that the tongue must massage the nipple to extract the milk.] Since then, I have slowly been able to transition them to 100% breast milk and they are breastfeeding really well now.
My question is this - I started pumping right at the very start to stimulate my breasts to produce more milk and I have continued to pump and now produce enough breast milk for my two girls plus I have extra in the fridge. I am scared to death to stop pumping for fear that my supply drops off. Has anyone started out pumping and then was able to stop? How were you able to do it - was there a weaning period and did you find that you were still able to produce enough breast milk?
*sigh*
When does the crying stop?
I know they'll figure it out and my BFF keeps reassuring me that they're smart girls...they'll get it more and more every day.
The neighbours must think we're crazy. I realized that I left the window open in their room but I will not go back in to close it, even with the intermittent crying that's going on. Defeats the purpose of suffering through the crying in the first place because guaranteed, if they catch sight of me, the crying will only intensify.
DH is out for dinner with his side of the family, celebrating his father's birthday. I on the other hand am at home, committed to this sleep training thing and not willing to screw up their bedtime so we decided that I would not attend with the kids. Short term sacrifice and DH has reassured me that he will be skimming off some good eats to bring home to me for my dinner later.
So let's talk about something else.
Is anyone BF out there? I could talk about this topic for a long time too. Long and short of it - breastfeeding is much harder than I ever thought it would be. I thought that you just stick the baby on your boob and he/she and I would just "know" what to do. Boy was I wrong...
A little BF history about me: I started my kids off on 100% formula and they were fed either by bottle or feeding tube in the NICU. I had lost so much blood post-partum that my milk was really slow to come in. Also, one of my girls was tongue tied [a condition whereby the frenulum (the thin membrane that attaches your tongue to the bottom of your mouth) needs to be snipped in order so that your tongue can extend past your lower lip. This is very important in BF in that the tongue must massage the nipple to extract the milk.] Since then, I have slowly been able to transition them to 100% breast milk and they are breastfeeding really well now.
My question is this - I started pumping right at the very start to stimulate my breasts to produce more milk and I have continued to pump and now produce enough breast milk for my two girls plus I have extra in the fridge. I am scared to death to stop pumping for fear that my supply drops off. Has anyone started out pumping and then was able to stop? How were you able to do it - was there a weaning period and did you find that you were still able to produce enough breast milk?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Night 5 Recap & The Start of Night 6
Last night, the girls continued to show improvement in that there were longer periods of silence between the bouts of crying and fussing. In total, they still fussed from 6:45pm when we put them down to about 8:30pm so a decrease in the overall time but still a lot longer than ideal. They skipped their 10pm meal and woke up at 1:30am and then after that, they slept through to 6am when they got up to start the day. All in all, not a bad night but I am still striving for a shorter time of fussing.
I keep thinking that with the almost 2 hours of fussing that we are missing something and that we are not getting it right just yet. I decided tonight to play around again with the bedtime and moved it up to 6pm. Last night was supposed to be bedtime of 6:30pm as it was bath night but we were a little late in getting them down so it was actually 6:45 by the time they went down. Clearly, that was too late for them.
I was vigilant during the day today and really watched their sleep cues for naps and ensured that the last nap wasn't going to interfere with bed time of 6pm. They woke up from their last nap at around 4:30pm which was perfect timing so I fed them and changed them and played with them for a while. No kidding, at around 5:45, they started showing signs of drowsiness and so I put them in their cribs to just wind down - I didn't swaddle them at all, I just simply put them in their cribs and watched them like a hawk. Sure enough, they started yawning and their eye lids started drooping so I swaddled them and at exactly 6pm, this is what I heard:
[crickets, crickets]
No crying! No fussing! No pain at bedtime! None whatsoever! It is now 6:42pm and I haven't heard a single peep from either one of them. Could this be the key? I am really crossing my fingers that this is it.
We are enjoying the silence.
Truly.
I keep thinking that with the almost 2 hours of fussing that we are missing something and that we are not getting it right just yet. I decided tonight to play around again with the bedtime and moved it up to 6pm. Last night was supposed to be bedtime of 6:30pm as it was bath night but we were a little late in getting them down so it was actually 6:45 by the time they went down. Clearly, that was too late for them.
I was vigilant during the day today and really watched their sleep cues for naps and ensured that the last nap wasn't going to interfere with bed time of 6pm. They woke up from their last nap at around 4:30pm which was perfect timing so I fed them and changed them and played with them for a while. No kidding, at around 5:45, they started showing signs of drowsiness and so I put them in their cribs to just wind down - I didn't swaddle them at all, I just simply put them in their cribs and watched them like a hawk. Sure enough, they started yawning and their eye lids started drooping so I swaddled them and at exactly 6pm, this is what I heard:
[crickets, crickets]
No crying! No fussing! No pain at bedtime! None whatsoever! It is now 6:42pm and I haven't heard a single peep from either one of them. Could this be the key? I am really crossing my fingers that this is it.
We are enjoying the silence.
Truly.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A New Strategy for Sleep Training Night #4
We have a new strategy for tonight. I know that consistency is the key, but if you're doing something wrong, consistently doing it wrong will not fix the problem. After an exhausting night during which I did all of the night feeds by myself, I went back to the book and re-read several sections, searching for an answer, a clue, something that would tell me what we were doing "wrong". I think I may have found it.
We have decided to try a new bedtime. The book says that bedtime is usually between 6pm and 8pm and by choosing a bedtime of 7 - 7:30pm, that was actually a little on the late side. I also naively thought that *we* got to choose the bedtime that the kids have but when I was re-reading the book today, the book said that it was key to catch the wave of drowsiness that occurred and coordinating bedtimes with that time period. We don't get to choose bedtime; it will be chosen by the kids. If you didn't manage to catch that initial wave of drowsiness, that is when there is more excessive crying and fussing because the kids have become overtired. It appears that they are awake but it is really due to a "second wave" of energy which is due to the release of adrenaline which in turn makes it harder for them to fall asleep afterward
One success story that I found said that one family couldn't figure out why their kid was fussing between 7pm and 9pm until they moved the bedtime up a half hour to 6:30pm and that fixed it. Their kid was overtired by 7pm and then fussed and cried for 2 hours afterward. By having bedtime at 6:30pm, they caught the wave of drowsiness and were able to put their kid down without any crying or fussing. Let us hope that this is also the answer for us as well.
The kids were put down by 6:20pm. Both cried and rather than go through the details, suffice to say that they continued to cry, alternating between the two of them but the big thing was that Caitlyn fell asleep at around 7:15 and stayed asleep until the time of the first feed at 10pm! Victoria fussed and cried off and on until about 8:45pm but there were longer periods of silence between the fits of crying and fussing.
Improvement?
I think so!
We got up to feed them again at 1:30am but both went down without crying and then they slept until 6am! I can deal with the earlier wake up time if they sleep more at night so this is a definite step in the right direction!
Yay!
We have decided to try a new bedtime. The book says that bedtime is usually between 6pm and 8pm and by choosing a bedtime of 7 - 7:30pm, that was actually a little on the late side. I also naively thought that *we* got to choose the bedtime that the kids have but when I was re-reading the book today, the book said that it was key to catch the wave of drowsiness that occurred and coordinating bedtimes with that time period. We don't get to choose bedtime; it will be chosen by the kids. If you didn't manage to catch that initial wave of drowsiness, that is when there is more excessive crying and fussing because the kids have become overtired. It appears that they are awake but it is really due to a "second wave" of energy which is due to the release of adrenaline which in turn makes it harder for them to fall asleep afterward
One success story that I found said that one family couldn't figure out why their kid was fussing between 7pm and 9pm until they moved the bedtime up a half hour to 6:30pm and that fixed it. Their kid was overtired by 7pm and then fussed and cried for 2 hours afterward. By having bedtime at 6:30pm, they caught the wave of drowsiness and were able to put their kid down without any crying or fussing. Let us hope that this is also the answer for us as well.
The kids were put down by 6:20pm. Both cried and rather than go through the details, suffice to say that they continued to cry, alternating between the two of them but the big thing was that Caitlyn fell asleep at around 7:15 and stayed asleep until the time of the first feed at 10pm! Victoria fussed and cried off and on until about 8:45pm but there were longer periods of silence between the fits of crying and fussing.
Improvement?
I think so!
We got up to feed them again at 1:30am but both went down without crying and then they slept until 6am! I can deal with the earlier wake up time if they sleep more at night so this is a definite step in the right direction!
Yay!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Night(mare) #3 Sleep Training
Sleep Log
7:30pm - got the kids to bed on time for once. And so it begins. Both are crying and I think they know what's going on by now and have hit their stride with the crying much faster. Right now I hear Caitlyn the most.
7:36pm - both kids are crying really hard right now. The evening stretches out really loooooong in front of me.
7:49pm - Victoria has fallen asleep! Please, oh please, let her stay asleep. Caitlyn is still crying intermittently and her eyes are wide open and she's looking around. The girls have taken to trailing off their crying with whimpers which gets to me even more than the loud crying.
7:53pm - Victoria is awake and crying now. Caitlyn looked like she was falling asleep but when Victoria started crying, she woke up and started crying again as well.
7:57pm - Daisy is wondering what the heck is going on. The girls are crying so loud and so hard that she has jumped off the bed and gone to stand in front of their bedroom door. She keeps looking at us as if to say "Are you two deaf? Can't you hear that? Obviously something is wrong...get up and check on them!" Yesterday, when the girls were screaming, she went running by the study on the way to their bedroom and when she saw me sitting on the bed (I was pumping), she put the brakes on and came trotting back to stare at me from the doorway as if to say "What are you doing in here? You should be in there!"
7:59pm - it appears that the girls have fallen asleep. Please, oh please, let that be it for tonight. That was 29 minutes of torture.
8:02pm - crying. again.
By 8:15, we had reached the 45 minute mark and my DH and I agreed that he would go in and do some soothing. He gave Caitlyn her pacifier and then left the room again. Victoria was asleep or doing a good imitation of a sleeping baby at that point. All was quiet for almost a half hour.
At 8:45pm, the girls started up again. Victoria fell asleep again by 9:30pm when I went in to soothe Caitlyn. She was quiet for another half hour and then started up again and continued in her on and off fashion until I went in to feed her at 11:15.
Both girls went down again without a fuss after the 11:30pm feed.
Victoria woke up at 4:30am and wanted to eat so I got up and changed her diaper and fed her. Caitlyn was stirring so I got her up, changed her diaper and fed her as well. She went back down without a murmur but Victoria has started fussing. She goes down after 15 minutes of fussing.
Both wake at 7am.
Thoughts
As I was half swaddling the kids tonight for bed, I found my eyes welling up with tears at the thought of the evening to come. I was asking them while I was feeding them to not cry so hard tonight and if they wanted to go to bed, to just close their eyes and breathe deeply and everything would be okay. I told them again that we loved them very much and wanted only the best for them and this was necessary. Then I put them down, walked away and cried.
I can't say that we saw any improvement on night 3 and the schedule the next day is completely out of time so I'm not quite sure what to make of this whole sleep training. Part of me is tempted to let it all go and do what we were doing before as they seemed happier and able to sleep, albeit with a fair amount of soothing. The other part of me is saying to tough it out, that we want them to learn how to put themselves to sleep and to eventually be able to sleep through the night. I know it has only been a few days but how long is this process going to take? I'm so tired and now I'm starting to hear crying when there isn't any crying.
Anyone have any war stories they would like to share? Any thoughts? Are we being unnecessarily mean?
7:30pm - got the kids to bed on time for once. And so it begins. Both are crying and I think they know what's going on by now and have hit their stride with the crying much faster. Right now I hear Caitlyn the most.
7:36pm - both kids are crying really hard right now. The evening stretches out really loooooong in front of me.
7:49pm - Victoria has fallen asleep! Please, oh please, let her stay asleep. Caitlyn is still crying intermittently and her eyes are wide open and she's looking around. The girls have taken to trailing off their crying with whimpers which gets to me even more than the loud crying.
7:53pm - Victoria is awake and crying now. Caitlyn looked like she was falling asleep but when Victoria started crying, she woke up and started crying again as well.
7:57pm - Daisy is wondering what the heck is going on. The girls are crying so loud and so hard that she has jumped off the bed and gone to stand in front of their bedroom door. She keeps looking at us as if to say "Are you two deaf? Can't you hear that? Obviously something is wrong...get up and check on them!" Yesterday, when the girls were screaming, she went running by the study on the way to their bedroom and when she saw me sitting on the bed (I was pumping), she put the brakes on and came trotting back to stare at me from the doorway as if to say "What are you doing in here? You should be in there!"
7:59pm - it appears that the girls have fallen asleep. Please, oh please, let that be it for tonight. That was 29 minutes of torture.
8:02pm - crying. again.
By 8:15, we had reached the 45 minute mark and my DH and I agreed that he would go in and do some soothing. He gave Caitlyn her pacifier and then left the room again. Victoria was asleep or doing a good imitation of a sleeping baby at that point. All was quiet for almost a half hour.
At 8:45pm, the girls started up again. Victoria fell asleep again by 9:30pm when I went in to soothe Caitlyn. She was quiet for another half hour and then started up again and continued in her on and off fashion until I went in to feed her at 11:15.
Both girls went down again without a fuss after the 11:30pm feed.
Victoria woke up at 4:30am and wanted to eat so I got up and changed her diaper and fed her. Caitlyn was stirring so I got her up, changed her diaper and fed her as well. She went back down without a murmur but Victoria has started fussing. She goes down after 15 minutes of fussing.
Both wake at 7am.
Thoughts
As I was half swaddling the kids tonight for bed, I found my eyes welling up with tears at the thought of the evening to come. I was asking them while I was feeding them to not cry so hard tonight and if they wanted to go to bed, to just close their eyes and breathe deeply and everything would be okay. I told them again that we loved them very much and wanted only the best for them and this was necessary. Then I put them down, walked away and cried.
I can't say that we saw any improvement on night 3 and the schedule the next day is completely out of time so I'm not quite sure what to make of this whole sleep training. Part of me is tempted to let it all go and do what we were doing before as they seemed happier and able to sleep, albeit with a fair amount of soothing. The other part of me is saying to tough it out, that we want them to learn how to put themselves to sleep and to eventually be able to sleep through the night. I know it has only been a few days but how long is this process going to take? I'm so tired and now I'm starting to hear crying when there isn't any crying.
Anyone have any war stories they would like to share? Any thoughts? Are we being unnecessarily mean?
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Night #2 Sleep Training
7:54pm. The second night is supposed to be shorter crying than the 1st night. I truly hope that is the case as I sit and listen to Victoria and Caitlyn cry again. Cut off time to check is 8:40pm. They were put to bed in the drowsy but awake state so at least we got that part right.
8:00pm - Victoria has stopped crying! Yes! However, Caitlyn is wailing away. Her cry is pitched lower than Victoria's but no less heart rending for me. Caitlyn cries so hard sometimes that she stops making any sound at all and it drives me crazy when I hear her crying like that.
8:04pm - Caitlyn is still wailing...Victoria has joined her again.
8:06pm - Caitlyn has started crying so hard now that she has the periods of silence like I was talking about before. Breathe Caitlyn breathe!! I can't hear Victoria anymore so I'm hoping that she has gone to sleep (I don't have the video monitor - DH has it downstairs).
8:10pm - silence...oops! Spoke too soon...Caitlyn at it again. Oh geez, she's hit a fevered pitch now. I almost feel like she's crying out to me and saying "How could you do this to me Mommy?? Waaahhhh! Mean Mommy!"
8:18pm - both crying now. For a brief period, Caitlyn stopped crying but then Victoria took over. They're really taking turns at this. I've come downstairs now and can see them both on the video monitor. I'm trying to send them waves of sleepiness and tiredness but they don't seem to be calming down at all. Caitlyn's little feet are kicking away and Victoria has almost reached the level of shrieking again.
8:25pm - Victoria has started shrieking along with Caitlyn. There is a huge lump in my chest right now and I keep staring at the video screen, willing them to go to sleep and to stop crying. My DH keeps suggesting that I take the dog for a walk and leave the house but I just can't. It's dumb and stupid I know. Logically, I know that they won't die from crying but I want to know what they're doing and when they're in pain and I also want to know when the switch is flicked and they turn the corner. Oh heavens...Victoria has hit new high notes and they've been at it for a half hour now. I thought night 2 was supposed to be shorter???
8:33pm - silence. Will it last? Both pairs of eyes are closed and have remained closed for a minute now. Is that the end of the first shift for tonight? Oh please, please let that be the end of it for tonight. There is a knot in my stomach. My throat is tight. I am having flash backs to the NICU when I had to stand helplessly by their incubators while the nurses pricked their tiny little feet over and over again for blood work and they cried and cried and cried. I couldn't comfort them then, I can't comfort them now.
8:37 - still quiet. Eyes are still closed. I want to cry with relief if it is over for now. that was almost the full 45 minutes tonight. We'll see what the rest of the evening brings.
8:45pm - Caitlyn just woke up and started crying again. So close yet so far.
I have to mention that napping today was just awful. I think they were overtired from such a restless night that they were too wound up to nap properly. They never went down very well and then when they did sleep, it was in 10-15 minute intervals all day. They didn't get a decent chunk of sleep in at all and I worry it is making them more frantic tonight. Is it awful to wish that your kids get so exhausted that they fall asleep?
8:50pm - Caitlyn. Shrieking. Crying so hard she goes silent. Do we check on her? After toughing it out for so long, would going in at this point ruin everything we have worked for tonight? How much longer can we stand it?
8:58pm - she's asleep...for now.
9:00pm - ...and she's awake again. This is what she was doing last night from 4am onwards. She would cry for a few minutes, be quiet or fall asleep for a few minutes, than wake up and cry again. Is she too young to do this sleep training? The book says that you can start as early as 6 weeks after their due date and right now, they're 8 weeks post due date so the timing seems to be right. The earlier the better or so the book says although this is just about killing me. Oh honey...please stop crying and go to sleep. Seriously, how much longer can she cry for? We must be getting close to the end, we must be.
9:30pm - Caitlyn is down again after a half hour of crying for a few minutes, than stopping for a few minutes and repeating this several times. Victoria has gotten both of her arms free from the swaddle and is happy as a clam, waving them all about. She has even smiled a few times. At least she isn't crying. Yet.
9:44pm - Victoria is fussing away with a few weak "waaahs" punctuated by wild arm swinging. They are seriously tag teaming us tonight.
9:54pm - it has been two hours since we attempted to put them down. Neither one has cried and fussed the entire time but between the two of them, they have the whole time covered. Victoria continues to fuss and cry and I can't stand it anymore. I'm sending DH in to re-swaddle her. She's also lying almost on top of her pacifier and it looks like she keeps reaching for it with her mouth and is frustrated that she can't get to it. Oh my...re-swaddling her seemed to upset her more. Offered the pacifier and that seemed to do the trick. Silence has descended once again temporarily.
I'm exhausted.
10:11pm - Victoria has started crying again, as if we have started all over from zero. I thought it was supposed to get better??? When is she going to stop? Seriously, how much longer can she go on crying for? I. Am. So. Tired. I need more examples in the book of less successful parents who didn't magically get it right on the first try.
10:19 - that's it. I can't stand it anymore. Caitlyn is still crying. We're going in to feed them. It has been 3 hours since the start of the last feed. Victoria has gone back to sleep and I hate having to wake her up now that she is *finally* sleeping but the book says that if you feed one, feed the other so we are going to wake her up. My worst case scenario is if she still needs to eat during the night and then wakes up at a completely different time than Caitlyn so then I'm up twice as many times because they're feeding schedules are out of sync. By waking her up we don't know whether she can go the whole night without eating but I don't want to risk it that she will be out of sync with Caitlyn. When we've woken her up in the past to eat during the night, she has eaten her entire meal so it's not as if we wake her up and she doesn't eat anything.
11:00pm - both fed. Both back down. Silence.
2:31am - Caitlyn wakes up crying and we go into to feed her. Victoria has stayed sleeping but I decide that we need to wake her up to feed her again. It seems that Caitlyn is the one who is always waking up first and we wake up Victoria to match Caitlyn's schedule. Do we consider letting Victoria sleep and run the risk of having her wake up at a completely different time? She did wake up briefly to eat her whole meal. The book emphasizes how parents of twins reiterate over and over again how important it is to synchronize the sleeping and eating schedules so no - I decide to continue to wake her again to eat. Both eat and go down without a murmur. One arm swaddled in, the other one out. Silence once again...
6:00am - Victoria and Caitlyn both start fussing so I decide to go in and start the day by feeding them. They always fuss at this time but go back to sleep with coaxing until about 7:30am. I have been wondering whether this is a cue from them that the day should start earlier than 7:30 am so I decide to try this as the earlier wake up time. I change Victoria's diaper and then gave her a bottle with her vitamins in it which she drank. All this time, her eyes remain firmly shut. As I try to nurse her and she is halfheartedly sucking, I realize that I made a mistake in trying to start their day too early. They're not ready to wake up. I decide to put Victoria back down and leave Caitlyn sleeping.
7:15am - both start fussing and this time I know it's because they're hungry. I get both up, change bums and then feed both. Caitlyn seems to be in a good mood and even has a few smiles for Mommy but she is tired. I can see it in her face and her actions as she is not as active as she normally is at this time. Victoria nurses for a long time which is unusual for her as she is my fast nurser averaging about 6 minutes. After a long, leisurely nurse during which her eyes remain shut still, she falls back asleep. They normally nap around 9am but today, after a long hard night, I put them back down to sleep at 8:15am.
Silence.
Was that a better night? In some respects yes - they fell asleep after the two night feeds without any protest and slept between them without fussing. In some respects no - the initial period of falling asleep at bedtime was BRUTAL as the crying and fussing between the two of them went on for 2.5-3 hours. I hope they nap better today so the night sleeping will be better.
8:00pm - Victoria has stopped crying! Yes! However, Caitlyn is wailing away. Her cry is pitched lower than Victoria's but no less heart rending for me. Caitlyn cries so hard sometimes that she stops making any sound at all and it drives me crazy when I hear her crying like that.
8:04pm - Caitlyn is still wailing...Victoria has joined her again.
8:06pm - Caitlyn has started crying so hard now that she has the periods of silence like I was talking about before. Breathe Caitlyn breathe!! I can't hear Victoria anymore so I'm hoping that she has gone to sleep (I don't have the video monitor - DH has it downstairs).
8:10pm - silence...oops! Spoke too soon...Caitlyn at it again. Oh geez, she's hit a fevered pitch now. I almost feel like she's crying out to me and saying "How could you do this to me Mommy?? Waaahhhh! Mean Mommy!"
8:18pm - both crying now. For a brief period, Caitlyn stopped crying but then Victoria took over. They're really taking turns at this. I've come downstairs now and can see them both on the video monitor. I'm trying to send them waves of sleepiness and tiredness but they don't seem to be calming down at all. Caitlyn's little feet are kicking away and Victoria has almost reached the level of shrieking again.
8:25pm - Victoria has started shrieking along with Caitlyn. There is a huge lump in my chest right now and I keep staring at the video screen, willing them to go to sleep and to stop crying. My DH keeps suggesting that I take the dog for a walk and leave the house but I just can't. It's dumb and stupid I know. Logically, I know that they won't die from crying but I want to know what they're doing and when they're in pain and I also want to know when the switch is flicked and they turn the corner. Oh heavens...Victoria has hit new high notes and they've been at it for a half hour now. I thought night 2 was supposed to be shorter???
8:33pm - silence. Will it last? Both pairs of eyes are closed and have remained closed for a minute now. Is that the end of the first shift for tonight? Oh please, please let that be the end of it for tonight. There is a knot in my stomach. My throat is tight. I am having flash backs to the NICU when I had to stand helplessly by their incubators while the nurses pricked their tiny little feet over and over again for blood work and they cried and cried and cried. I couldn't comfort them then, I can't comfort them now.
8:37 - still quiet. Eyes are still closed. I want to cry with relief if it is over for now. that was almost the full 45 minutes tonight. We'll see what the rest of the evening brings.
8:45pm - Caitlyn just woke up and started crying again. So close yet so far.
I have to mention that napping today was just awful. I think they were overtired from such a restless night that they were too wound up to nap properly. They never went down very well and then when they did sleep, it was in 10-15 minute intervals all day. They didn't get a decent chunk of sleep in at all and I worry it is making them more frantic tonight. Is it awful to wish that your kids get so exhausted that they fall asleep?
8:50pm - Caitlyn. Shrieking. Crying so hard she goes silent. Do we check on her? After toughing it out for so long, would going in at this point ruin everything we have worked for tonight? How much longer can we stand it?
8:58pm - she's asleep...for now.
9:00pm - ...and she's awake again. This is what she was doing last night from 4am onwards. She would cry for a few minutes, be quiet or fall asleep for a few minutes, than wake up and cry again. Is she too young to do this sleep training? The book says that you can start as early as 6 weeks after their due date and right now, they're 8 weeks post due date so the timing seems to be right. The earlier the better or so the book says although this is just about killing me. Oh honey...please stop crying and go to sleep. Seriously, how much longer can she cry for? We must be getting close to the end, we must be.
9:30pm - Caitlyn is down again after a half hour of crying for a few minutes, than stopping for a few minutes and repeating this several times. Victoria has gotten both of her arms free from the swaddle and is happy as a clam, waving them all about. She has even smiled a few times. At least she isn't crying. Yet.
9:44pm - Victoria is fussing away with a few weak "waaahs" punctuated by wild arm swinging. They are seriously tag teaming us tonight.
9:54pm - it has been two hours since we attempted to put them down. Neither one has cried and fussed the entire time but between the two of them, they have the whole time covered. Victoria continues to fuss and cry and I can't stand it anymore. I'm sending DH in to re-swaddle her. She's also lying almost on top of her pacifier and it looks like she keeps reaching for it with her mouth and is frustrated that she can't get to it. Oh my...re-swaddling her seemed to upset her more. Offered the pacifier and that seemed to do the trick. Silence has descended once again temporarily.
I'm exhausted.
10:11pm - Victoria has started crying again, as if we have started all over from zero. I thought it was supposed to get better??? When is she going to stop? Seriously, how much longer can she go on crying for? I. Am. So. Tired. I need more examples in the book of less successful parents who didn't magically get it right on the first try.
10:19 - that's it. I can't stand it anymore. Caitlyn is still crying. We're going in to feed them. It has been 3 hours since the start of the last feed. Victoria has gone back to sleep and I hate having to wake her up now that she is *finally* sleeping but the book says that if you feed one, feed the other so we are going to wake her up. My worst case scenario is if she still needs to eat during the night and then wakes up at a completely different time than Caitlyn so then I'm up twice as many times because they're feeding schedules are out of sync. By waking her up we don't know whether she can go the whole night without eating but I don't want to risk it that she will be out of sync with Caitlyn. When we've woken her up in the past to eat during the night, she has eaten her entire meal so it's not as if we wake her up and she doesn't eat anything.
11:00pm - both fed. Both back down. Silence.
2:31am - Caitlyn wakes up crying and we go into to feed her. Victoria has stayed sleeping but I decide that we need to wake her up to feed her again. It seems that Caitlyn is the one who is always waking up first and we wake up Victoria to match Caitlyn's schedule. Do we consider letting Victoria sleep and run the risk of having her wake up at a completely different time? She did wake up briefly to eat her whole meal. The book emphasizes how parents of twins reiterate over and over again how important it is to synchronize the sleeping and eating schedules so no - I decide to continue to wake her again to eat. Both eat and go down without a murmur. One arm swaddled in, the other one out. Silence once again...
6:00am - Victoria and Caitlyn both start fussing so I decide to go in and start the day by feeding them. They always fuss at this time but go back to sleep with coaxing until about 7:30am. I have been wondering whether this is a cue from them that the day should start earlier than 7:30 am so I decide to try this as the earlier wake up time. I change Victoria's diaper and then gave her a bottle with her vitamins in it which she drank. All this time, her eyes remain firmly shut. As I try to nurse her and she is halfheartedly sucking, I realize that I made a mistake in trying to start their day too early. They're not ready to wake up. I decide to put Victoria back down and leave Caitlyn sleeping.
7:15am - both start fussing and this time I know it's because they're hungry. I get both up, change bums and then feed both. Caitlyn seems to be in a good mood and even has a few smiles for Mommy but she is tired. I can see it in her face and her actions as she is not as active as she normally is at this time. Victoria nurses for a long time which is unusual for her as she is my fast nurser averaging about 6 minutes. After a long, leisurely nurse during which her eyes remain shut still, she falls back asleep. They normally nap around 9am but today, after a long hard night, I put them back down to sleep at 8:15am.
Silence.
Was that a better night? In some respects yes - they fell asleep after the two night feeds without any protest and slept between them without fussing. In some respects no - the initial period of falling asleep at bedtime was BRUTAL as the crying and fussing between the two of them went on for 2.5-3 hours. I hope they nap better today so the night sleeping will be better.
The Morning After Day 1 Sleep Training
I'm tired.
Over the past two weeks or so, our girls have been getting up only twice during the night to eat - once around 10pm or 11pm and another time between 2am and 3am. Knowing this, we knew that when they cried at these times after being asleep for a while, this meant that they were hungry.
After the crying fits at 9pm last night, they slept until 11pm at which point they started crying again and so we went in and fed them. It was 100% bottled breast milk - quicker and minimizes the time we spend feeding them. They went down again at 11:30pm and actually slept within a few minutes of being put down. Fast forward to 3am when they again woke up and wanted to be fed. I nursed them, gave them top up bottles of breast milk to make sure they were full and put them back to bed at around 3:30am.
At the beginning of the night, it was Victoria fussing and crying her eyes out. Starting at 3;30am, it was Caitlyn who kept crying. Victoria started things off but she fell asleep by about 3:45am but Caitlyn cried and fussed until 4:15am, right at the 45 minute mark. She then slept until 5:30am and then she fussed on and off until 7am. She would cry for about 10 minutes, be quiet and drift off for about 10 minutes, than cry again, sleep again...on and off for an hour and a half.
We got up shortly before 7am and fed the two of them breakfast.
It's 9:09am and they're down for their first nap of the day. Napping is a whole other beast according to this book but at least I can do whatever I want to get them to sleep and that includes rocking them to sleep and holding them. One thing at a time...I am dreading tonight already.
Over the past two weeks or so, our girls have been getting up only twice during the night to eat - once around 10pm or 11pm and another time between 2am and 3am. Knowing this, we knew that when they cried at these times after being asleep for a while, this meant that they were hungry.
After the crying fits at 9pm last night, they slept until 11pm at which point they started crying again and so we went in and fed them. It was 100% bottled breast milk - quicker and minimizes the time we spend feeding them. They went down again at 11:30pm and actually slept within a few minutes of being put down. Fast forward to 3am when they again woke up and wanted to be fed. I nursed them, gave them top up bottles of breast milk to make sure they were full and put them back to bed at around 3:30am.
At the beginning of the night, it was Victoria fussing and crying her eyes out. Starting at 3;30am, it was Caitlyn who kept crying. Victoria started things off but she fell asleep by about 3:45am but Caitlyn cried and fussed until 4:15am, right at the 45 minute mark. She then slept until 5:30am and then she fussed on and off until 7am. She would cry for about 10 minutes, be quiet and drift off for about 10 minutes, than cry again, sleep again...on and off for an hour and a half.
We got up shortly before 7am and fed the two of them breakfast.
It's 9:09am and they're down for their first nap of the day. Napping is a whole other beast according to this book but at least I can do whatever I want to get them to sleep and that includes rocking them to sleep and holding them. One thing at a time...I am dreading tonight already.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Sleep Training...Ugh....(edited)
So today is day one of sleep training our twins to go to bed and self-soothe. We are going to listen to a lot of crying tonight and just the thought of it has caused me a lot of stress leading up to bedtime tonight. As I type this, I am listening to Victoria scream and cry harder and harder. Mommy is a little upset :(
We're following the advice of Dr. Weis.sb.u.rg who wrote the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins. He is more well known for his book about sleep habits for a singleton (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby) but of course, we bought the book on twins.
It has been 2 minutes and Victoria is crying so hard she has hit fever pitch already with her crying. It's the kind of crying that just tears at your soul and makes you want to run into the room and scoop her up and cradle her tightly against your chest.
:(
Caitlyn was in the drowsy but still awake state when I put her down and she promptly fell asleep without any crying so that was one baby down, one more to go.
We agreed to use the approach "modified extinction" where you basically ignore the crying with an upper time limit on the crying. We agreed on 45 minutes before we go into check on them. Seems harsh, but this method is supposed to work within a few days rather than weeks with the next method and I want to make this suffering as short as possible.
Three minutes and counting...42 minutes to go.
She's screaming so hard now she's frantic and crying the hardest I've ever heard her.
Mommy is going to start crying soon...there are tears in my eyes now.
Basically, the crux of this book is that good sleeping habits are learned and are not inherent in human nature. It is our duty as parents to teach our children to self-soothe and to learn now to put themselves to sleep rather than relying on us to rock them/sing to them/breastfeed them/hold them to sleep.
8:08pm...silence?
Is she asleep?
We have the benefit of having a video monitor and my DH just confirmed that she has fallen asleep!!
I can't believe it!
8:08 and she's asleep! I cannot imagine those parents who had to listen to their children cry for over an hour. 8 minutes and I was about ready to crack myself. Can we hope for such early success with bedtime?
I guess only time will tell...
****************************
9:04pm...guess who woke up and started crying again? She's crying but it's more of a fussing kind of crying but she's building up steam...
9:08pm...both have started crying...Caitlyn a little more intermittent than Victoria but there is a chorus going...
9:11pm...Victoria has gone back full throttle and it looks like she's calling to me on the monitor and my heart is just being squeezed tight right now. She's positively shrieking now...
9:15pm - they've both stopped but they're both awake. Caitlyn is still fussing for Mommy...but they're not cr...oh wait, yes, they have gone back to crying...
9:18pm - loud murmurings of dissent but the crying has ceased for now. Let's see how long it lasts.
9:21pm - silence...golden silence...
9:26pm - Victoria is crying again...her little face is all scrunched up and her sister is punctuating her high pitched crying with a yelp here and there. I don't know how anyone sits through a solid hour of this torture...
9:33pm - I *think* they've fallen asleep. Again, we'll see how long this lasts...
We're following the advice of Dr. Weis.sb.u.rg who wrote the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins. He is more well known for his book about sleep habits for a singleton (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby) but of course, we bought the book on twins.
It has been 2 minutes and Victoria is crying so hard she has hit fever pitch already with her crying. It's the kind of crying that just tears at your soul and makes you want to run into the room and scoop her up and cradle her tightly against your chest.
:(
Caitlyn was in the drowsy but still awake state when I put her down and she promptly fell asleep without any crying so that was one baby down, one more to go.
We agreed to use the approach "modified extinction" where you basically ignore the crying with an upper time limit on the crying. We agreed on 45 minutes before we go into check on them. Seems harsh, but this method is supposed to work within a few days rather than weeks with the next method and I want to make this suffering as short as possible.
Three minutes and counting...42 minutes to go.
She's screaming so hard now she's frantic and crying the hardest I've ever heard her.
Mommy is going to start crying soon...there are tears in my eyes now.
Basically, the crux of this book is that good sleeping habits are learned and are not inherent in human nature. It is our duty as parents to teach our children to self-soothe and to learn now to put themselves to sleep rather than relying on us to rock them/sing to them/breastfeed them/hold them to sleep.
8:08pm...silence?
Is she asleep?
We have the benefit of having a video monitor and my DH just confirmed that she has fallen asleep!!
I can't believe it!
8:08 and she's asleep! I cannot imagine those parents who had to listen to their children cry for over an hour. 8 minutes and I was about ready to crack myself. Can we hope for such early success with bedtime?
I guess only time will tell...
****************************
9:04pm...guess who woke up and started crying again? She's crying but it's more of a fussing kind of crying but she's building up steam...
9:08pm...both have started crying...Caitlyn a little more intermittent than Victoria but there is a chorus going...
9:11pm...Victoria has gone back full throttle and it looks like she's calling to me on the monitor and my heart is just being squeezed tight right now. She's positively shrieking now...
9:15pm - they've both stopped but they're both awake. Caitlyn is still fussing for Mommy...but they're not cr...oh wait, yes, they have gone back to crying...
9:18pm - loud murmurings of dissent but the crying has ceased for now. Let's see how long it lasts.
9:21pm - silence...golden silence...
9:26pm - Victoria is crying again...her little face is all scrunched up and her sister is punctuating her high pitched crying with a yelp here and there. I don't know how anyone sits through a solid hour of this torture...
9:33pm - I *think* they've fallen asleep. Again, we'll see how long this lasts...
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Welcome!
Welcome to my new blog!
I was going to call this blog "Fables of a New Parent" but judging by how things have been going, I think the more appropriate word is "Foibles"! I try hard but I don't always get it right and there's a lot to figure out as a new parent...so "foibles" it is rather than "fables".
For those of you who know me from my infertility blog, Two Miracles To Come, thank you for following me over to my new space. For those of you who have stumbled upon my blog through cyber space, I offer you a warm welcome. This space is where I talk about my concerns as a new parent of twin baby girls, conceived through the magic of IVF, carried with much love and anticipation and born on February 6, 2010.
I have never been particularly career driven...to be honest, my biggest ambition has always been to have a family. I know, I know - all the feminists out there just groaned out loud but let me put it in a different way. I have never known what it is that I wanted to be "when I grow up" whereas I always knew that I wanted a family. I always wanted kids. I haven't always wanted a career.
Now that I have the family that I have always wanted so badly, I am trying to be the best parent that I can possibly be. I have arrived at the pit stop of life called "new parent" and am now taking tentative steps down the pathway called parenthood.
These are my stories. I will get it right sometimes; I will also get it wrong a lot more times. Here's where I let it all hang out so I can figure it out.
Come along for the ride and let me know what you think okay?
I was going to call this blog "Fables of a New Parent" but judging by how things have been going, I think the more appropriate word is "Foibles"! I try hard but I don't always get it right and there's a lot to figure out as a new parent...so "foibles" it is rather than "fables".
For those of you who know me from my infertility blog, Two Miracles To Come, thank you for following me over to my new space. For those of you who have stumbled upon my blog through cyber space, I offer you a warm welcome. This space is where I talk about my concerns as a new parent of twin baby girls, conceived through the magic of IVF, carried with much love and anticipation and born on February 6, 2010.
I have never been particularly career driven...to be honest, my biggest ambition has always been to have a family. I know, I know - all the feminists out there just groaned out loud but let me put it in a different way. I have never known what it is that I wanted to be "when I grow up" whereas I always knew that I wanted a family. I always wanted kids. I haven't always wanted a career.
Now that I have the family that I have always wanted so badly, I am trying to be the best parent that I can possibly be. I have arrived at the pit stop of life called "new parent" and am now taking tentative steps down the pathway called parenthood.
These are my stories. I will get it right sometimes; I will also get it wrong a lot more times. Here's where I let it all hang out so I can figure it out.
Come along for the ride and let me know what you think okay?
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