Night #2 Sleep Training

7:54pm. The second night is supposed to be shorter crying than the 1st night. I truly hope that is the case as I sit and listen to Victoria and Caitlyn cry again. Cut off time to check is 8:40pm. They were put to bed in the drowsy but awake state so at least we got that part right.

8:00pm - Victoria has stopped crying! Yes! However, Caitlyn is wailing away. Her cry is pitched lower than Victoria's but no less heart rending for me. Caitlyn cries so hard sometimes that she stops making any sound at all and it drives me crazy when I hear her crying like that.

8:04pm - Caitlyn is still wailing...Victoria has joined her again.

8:06pm - Caitlyn has started crying so hard now that she has the periods of silence like I was talking about before. Breathe Caitlyn breathe!! I can't hear Victoria anymore so I'm hoping that she has gone to sleep (I don't have the video monitor - DH has it downstairs).

8:10pm - silence...oops! Spoke too soon...Caitlyn at it again. Oh geez, she's hit a fevered pitch now. I almost feel like she's crying out to me and saying "How could you do this to me Mommy?? Waaahhhh! Mean Mommy!"

8:18pm - both crying now. For a brief period, Caitlyn stopped crying but then Victoria took over. They're really taking turns at this. I've come downstairs now and can see them both on the video monitor. I'm trying to send them waves of sleepiness and tiredness but they don't seem to be calming down at all. Caitlyn's little feet are kicking away and Victoria has almost reached the level of shrieking again.

8:25pm - Victoria has started shrieking along with Caitlyn. There is a huge lump in my chest right now and I keep staring at the video screen, willing them to go to sleep and to stop crying. My DH keeps suggesting that I take the dog for a walk and leave the house but I just can't. It's dumb and stupid I know. Logically, I know that they won't die from crying but I want to know what they're doing and when they're in pain and I also want to know when the switch is flicked and they turn the corner. Oh heavens...Victoria has hit new high notes and they've been at it for a half hour now. I thought night 2 was supposed to be shorter???

8:33pm - silence. Will it last? Both pairs of eyes are closed and have remained closed for a minute now. Is that the end of the first shift for tonight? Oh please, please let that be the end of it for tonight. There is a knot in my stomach. My throat is tight. I am having flash backs to the NICU when I had to stand helplessly by their incubators while the nurses pricked their tiny little feet over and over again for blood work and they cried and cried and cried. I couldn't comfort them then, I can't comfort them now.

8:37 - still quiet. Eyes are still closed. I want to cry with relief if it is over for now. that was almost the full 45 minutes tonight. We'll see what the rest of the evening brings.

8:45pm - Caitlyn just woke up and started crying again. So close yet so far.

I have to mention that napping today was just awful. I think they were overtired from such a restless night that they were too wound up to nap properly. They never went down very well and then when they did sleep, it was in 10-15 minute intervals all day. They didn't get a decent chunk of sleep in at all and I worry it is making them more frantic tonight. Is it awful to wish that your kids get so exhausted that they fall asleep?

8:50pm - Caitlyn. Shrieking. Crying so hard she goes silent. Do we check on her? After toughing it out for so long, would going in at this point ruin everything we have worked for tonight? How much longer can we stand it?

8:58pm - she's asleep...for now.

9:00pm - ...and she's awake again. This is what she was doing last night from 4am onwards. She would cry for a few minutes, be quiet or fall asleep for a few minutes, than wake up and cry again. Is she too young to do this sleep training? The book says that you can start as early as 6 weeks after their due date and right now, they're 8 weeks post due date so the timing seems to be right. The earlier the better or so the book says although this is just about killing me. Oh honey...please stop crying and go to sleep. Seriously, how much longer can she cry for? We must be getting close to the end, we must be.

9:30pm - Caitlyn is down again after a half hour of crying for a few minutes, than stopping for a few minutes and repeating this several times. Victoria has gotten both of her arms free from the swaddle and is happy as a clam, waving them all about. She has even smiled a few times. At least she isn't crying. Yet.

9:44pm - Victoria is fussing away with a few weak "waaahs" punctuated by wild arm swinging. They are seriously tag teaming us tonight.

9:54pm - it has been two hours since we attempted to put them down. Neither one has cried and fussed the entire time but between the two of them, they have the whole time covered. Victoria continues to fuss and cry and I can't stand it anymore. I'm sending DH in to re-swaddle her. She's also lying almost on top of her pacifier and it looks like she keeps reaching for it with her mouth and is frustrated that she can't get to it. Oh my...re-swaddling her seemed to upset her more. Offered the pacifier and that seemed to do the trick. Silence has descended once again temporarily.

I'm exhausted.

10:11pm - Victoria has started crying again, as if we have started all over from zero. I thought it was supposed to get better??? When is she going to stop? Seriously, how much longer can she go on crying for? I. Am. So. Tired. I need more examples in the book of less successful parents who didn't magically get it right on the first try.

10:19 - that's it. I can't stand it anymore. Caitlyn is still crying. We're going in to feed them. It has been 3 hours since the start of the last feed. Victoria has gone back to sleep and I hate having to wake her up now that she is *finally* sleeping but the book says that if you feed one, feed the other so we are going to wake her up. My worst case scenario is if she still needs to eat during the night and then wakes up at a completely different time than Caitlyn so then I'm up twice as many times because they're feeding schedules are out of sync. By waking her up we don't know whether she can go the whole night without eating but I don't want to risk it that she will be out of sync with Caitlyn. When we've woken her up in the past to eat during the night, she has eaten her entire meal so it's not as if we wake her up and she doesn't eat anything.

11:00pm - both fed. Both back down. Silence.

2:31am - Caitlyn wakes up crying and we go into to feed her. Victoria has stayed sleeping but I decide that we need to wake her up to feed her again. It seems that Caitlyn is the one who is always waking up first and we wake up Victoria to match Caitlyn's schedule. Do we consider letting Victoria sleep and run the risk of having her wake up at a completely different time? She did wake up briefly to eat her whole meal. The book emphasizes how parents of twins reiterate over and over again how important it is to synchronize the sleeping and eating schedules so no - I decide to continue to wake her again to eat. Both eat and go down without a murmur. One arm swaddled in, the other one out. Silence once again...

6:00am - Victoria and Caitlyn both start fussing so I decide to go in and start the day by feeding them. They always fuss at this time but go back to sleep with coaxing until about 7:30am. I have been wondering whether this is a cue from them that the day should start earlier than 7:30 am so I decide to try this as the earlier wake up time. I change Victoria's diaper and then gave her a bottle with her vitamins in it which she drank. All this time, her eyes remain firmly shut. As I try to nurse her and she is halfheartedly sucking, I realize that I made a mistake in trying to start their day too early. They're not ready to wake up. I decide to put Victoria back down and leave Caitlyn sleeping.

7:15am - both start fussing and this time I know it's because they're hungry. I get both up, change bums and then feed both. Caitlyn seems to be in a good mood and even has a few smiles for Mommy but she is tired. I can see it in her face and her actions as she is not as active as she normally is at this time. Victoria nurses for a long time which is unusual for her as she is my fast nurser averaging about 6 minutes. After a long, leisurely nurse during which her eyes remain shut still, she falls back asleep. They normally nap around 9am but today, after a long hard night, I put them back down to sleep at 8:15am.

Silence.

Was that a better night? In some respects yes - they fell asleep after the two night feeds without any protest and slept between them without fussing. In some respects no - the initial period of falling asleep at bedtime was BRUTAL as the crying and fussing between the two of them went on for 2.5-3 hours. I hope they nap better today so the night sleeping will be better.