I think I've confused my kids.
Bed time has turned into a major battle and it's my fault.
We weren't consistent.
We changed things up on them.
I feel that they don't trust us anymore. They think that if they cry now, we won't come.
What a terrible way for two 15 week old babies to feel.
In the last 2 weeks, we've stopped swaddling gradually (but the end result is that they are no longer being swaddled), we split them up into two separate cribs, we instituted a bed time and we attempted to use the extinction (aka crying it out) method of sleep training.
That's a lot of change.
Maybe too much?
I thought that when we stopped using extinction, we would be able to go back to soothing them to sleep and then putting them down. They used to eventually fall asleep in our arms with soothing and then we would put them down to bed. Things have changed. Now, they start crying and crying and crying and we soothe and soothe and soothe to no avail. Tonight, we fed them at 6:15pm and then spent the next 2 hours trying to calm them down so that they could fall asleep. If I was going to listen to 2 hours of crying, why didn't we stick it out with extinction? At least they would have been teaching themselves how to self-soothe...or would they? Are they still too young to learn that skill?
Maternal guilt...what a formidable thing.
We've decided to go back to basics and returned to swaddling. We stripped them down to their diapers and then swaddled them again tonight and finally, after 2 hours, they calmed down and fell asleep.
I don't know how we're going to deal with naps tomorrow during the day because those were a disaster given the bad night we had last night (same thing - fussing and crying for 2 hours at the beginning of the night).
I just can't shake the feeling that I've already screwed up my kids.
Hopefully they'll soon forget and get back to normal. Sounds awful right now!
ReplyDeleteYou are not a bad parent:) Really, you aren't. You are a loving, caring parent who wants the best for her children. And you are a new parent, trying to figure out these two new little puzzles that have entered your life. You are doing great, I promise! Hang in there! I have always said that being a mom is the best, most guilty position I have ever had. It is also the most rewarding:)
ReplyDeleteBIG HUG!!! Kathy. You DID NOT (DID NOT!!!) screw up the girls. While I'm sure they will be Harvard grads someday, I can guarantee that at the moment they don't strategise to punish you for ignoring them, or hold grudges because you didn't come when they cryed before. There is something else going on, you just don't know what it is and my never know. From what I hear, kids go through good and bad periods for sleep and such, even if you are 100% consistent. Have you not had friends who have said they don't know why suddenly their child seems miserable when nothing has changed that should cause it? My friend Julie is always saying her kids are having a bad day or a good day. It bears no relation to anything she is doing. You are an awesome Mom. YOu did what you thought was best for some very logical reasons - the girls really are not as old as their birthdays suggest because they were premature. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. You thought it was the time to try another plan. The fact it didn't work means nothing. If you had continued along the original plan they might have been much worse then they are now and you'd be wishing you had made the change.
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath. KNOW you are a rockstar Mom. (I KNOW it!!)
If our Moms didn't screw us up, you are completely golden because you are so much more than our Moms were ....in every way!
I JUST found your baby blog. Sorry I've been gone forever. Just getting life under control. But all is well here.
ReplyDeleteI hope all of your sleep training work pays off soon! It's so hard.